My most favorite musical has to be Gypsy. Towards the end Mama Rose decides that it's time for her to stop living solely for other people because during the midst of it all she lost who she truly was. So it's time for her to focus on who she is instead of consistently worrying about everyone else. Why do I like the musical so much? Well, I can truly relate.
It's funny how God can work in mysterious ways in your life if you're willing to let him. I had someone ask me a couple of weeks ago, "So what exactly are you going to do with your Counseling degree" and I was floored. I had no idea. Here I am, a girl who always knows what I want in life and I had no idea what I wanted for my career. I was clueless. So I made up something. Sure it sounded good coming out of my mouth, but deep inside all I could feel was uncomfortable about my response. Counseling was not what I wanted to solely do for the rest of my life. Who was I kidding? So, I prayed. God do something with my life. Make me different. Help me to know what it is You want me to do. I'm tired of living my life without meaning, just living as if I was rushing through life. Well, a couple of weeks later I become a single girl (God works in funny ways) and then discover "Wow, God what in the world are you doing with my life?"
At first being single was weird. All I could think about was "God wouldn't really do this to me. Why would He, this is cruel." But then I discovered something. All this time I was focusing on my relationship, I lost who I was. I lost who I wanted to become. Instead of worrying about what I wanted to be, I worried about what "we" were going to be in the relationship.
Struggling to find out who I, who God, wanted me to be I did something simple. I prayed. God show me what You want me to be. And, the next day was a surprise in the least. So I went to chapel at my school the next day and the guest speaker talked about how the world needed more educators. Well, he was referring to educators in other Third world countries but then something told me "Why aren't you doing what I called you to do?" "Why are you fighting me?" Yes, I fought God spiritually. For a long time, I would deny many of the things He wanted to do. For a while I wanted to be a teacher, besides I love kids and they always seem to love me (for some weird reason). So I decided.
I was expected to graduate from MACU next year. Well, think again. God has bigger and better plans and even though I don't understand at times why He wants me to do this, I chose to listen to Him. I give my life to Him because I'm through playing it my way. So, what is my intended graduation date now? Ha, well let's just say it's not next year. But all things are worth it if God is involved.
So, curtains up. And light the lights. Because here she is girls, here she is boys, and here she is world. Here's a new and improved me.
Peace, Love, and Happiness,
Alex
